On the Couch

By Jim Pagels

About On the Couch

“On the Couch” is definitely an apt name for my column. If Elias kept 24/7 data analysis of my life, I think about 60 percent of my time is spent in front of the TV watching Sportscenter, PTI, Around the Horn, and any other sports related broadcasts. (Along with a vast array of other shows such as Mad Men, 30 Rock, Breaking Bad, Eastbound & Down, etc., which will be constantly referenced in this space.) I’m a diehard Dallas sports fan who lives and dies with every Rangers, Mavs, Stars, and Cowboys game. I try to give a humorous take on sports with a heavy pop culture slant that non-sports fans can also relate to. After graduation, I plan on replacing Jason Kidd as point guard for the Mavs.

Jim Pagels is a Columbia College junior majoring in American studies and English.

Articles

PAGELS: Recruiting for Columbia sports creates unfair stereotypes

By Jim Pagels
Apr 5 08:39 pm ET

Lack of success in sports means CU's priorities should change.

PAGELS: In Ivy League basketball, the search for significant seasons continues

By Jim Pagels
Feb 21 09:36 pm ET

A one-game playoff scenario between the top two basketball teams in the Ivy League could be the answer for regular seasons typically rendered meaningless just a few weeks after opening day.

PAGELS: My advice to CU athletics

By Jim Pagels
Dec 9 03:20 am ET

I could write more about the GPA points I’ve lost or cutbacks in social life I’ve suffered. Instead, I have some advice to the Columbia athletic department. Here it is plain and simple: Take yourselves a little less seriously.

PIXBOX CHAMPION: Let Col. Pagels's culture of fear begin

By Jim Pagels
Nov 28 10:31 pm ET

I’m glad to see that most of you have succumbed to my regime. While there were many early dissenters to my legitimacy, it pleases me to see that most have wizened up and joined me rather than face the consequences.

To tie or not to tie, that is the question

By Jim Pagels
Nov 14 12:43 am ET

Ivy League men's soccer highlights woes of current scoring system.

You don’t really choose your teams

By Jim Pagels
Oct 31 03:46 am ET

Do we really chose the teams we root for? Or do they choose us?

PAGELS: CU football a frustrating sight to see this year

By Jim Pagels
Oct 3 08:22 pm ET

This past weekend, I took the advice to heart so much that I journeyed all the way down to Princeton for the game. The past two seasons, the Lions have mercilessly devoured the Tigers by a combined score of 80-14, and Princeton was picked to finish last in the 2011 preseason Ivy poll.

For Ivy TV programming, limit does exist

By Jim Pagels
Sep 19 11:48 pm ET

With Versus rebranding itself as the NBC Sports Network, there might be some concern that it will continue spending time with lowly Ivy League football.

Fill capacity in bleachers, not on bench

By Jim Pagels
Sep 6 11:33 pm ET

With limited budgets, Ivy football teams should focus less on overloading rosters and more on getting their players an audience.

Making the most of $50 million

By Jim Pagels
Apr 18 12:15 am ET

As Columbia plans the Manhattanville expansion as well as the development of the Campbell Sports Center, it may want to consider bringing the athletics facility closer to the undergraduate body.

Bracketology we can believe in

By Jim Pagels
Apr 3 10:25 pm ET

Look, we all got hammered in our March Madness pools this year. Even Shaka Smart only had VCU winning the play-in game. But luckily, we don’t simply have ourselves to blame for our poor performances—we can also point the finger at ESPN, Yahoo, and CBS Sports themselves! The way the major sites score brackets is, as Jay Bilas would say, “indefensible.” Yeah, one point for the first round is fine, two points for the second round, great, but as it keeps on doubling, that’s where it gets a bit dicey. I have an idea for a better way to run things, bracketology we can believe in.

Different strokes due for cancelation

By Jim Pagels
Mar 23 08:37 pm ET

Complicated by esoteric movements and restrictions, swimming events should be limited to the one truly natural stroke.

And the CU athletics award goes to

By Jim Pagels
Feb 27 10:19 pm ET

In honor of the Oscars, the Columbia athletic department hosted its own awards ceremony in Low Library last night. All the coaches and athletes were in attendance, and like the ceremonies in LA, it was hosted by Columbia’s (formerly) own James Franco. Gift bag swag included sweaty game-used towels from Mark Cisco, luxury box tickets to the next women’s fencing event, and a sweet mix CD burned from coach Norries Wilson’s iTunes library. I was honored to be invited to the event, and I wanted to fill you in on some of the highlights.

Umps should get tossed in favor of technology

By Jim Pagels
Feb 15 11:35 pm ET

The way we umpire sports is inherently flawed. While millions of other jobs across the globe are being lost to machines, refs and umpires continue to work out-of-date jobs every day of the week.

Ivy League title not in Lions' future this year

By Jim Pagels
Feb 4 12:41 am ET

Ever since the two Cornell wins to open up Ivy play, my fellow columnists have seemed like over-supportive parents who hire an NBA agent for their son after he scores twelve points in his youth YMCA game.

Lions answer the call as stakes rise with Ivy opener

By Jim Pagels
Jan 18 09:00 pm ET

Everyone familiar with Columbia basketball knows that the games really don’t matter until Ivy season begins. The crowds are exponentially bigger, there are legitimate rivalries, and unless you’re banking on an Ancient Eight team getting an at-large bid, there’s a spot in the NCAA tournament on the line.

A meeting with the ultimate Sports Guy

By Jim Pagels
Dec 8 12:34 am ET

How could I possibly tell my idol, Bill Simmons, how much he meant to me in such a short amount of time?

Penn football deserves postseason

By Jim Pagels
Nov 18 01:04 am ET

It’s ironic that the Ancient Eight are so paranoid about missing exams, but they’re okay with letting their football teams skip out on their biggest test of the year.

If Harvard can send a QB to the NFL, why can’t we?

By Jim Pagels
Nov 5 02:05 am ET

I don’t want to put any pressure on Sean Brackett to leap over Garrett Gilbert or Matt Barkley for the top quarterback spot in the 2013 NFL draft, but he certainly has a chance to make a roster someday. With more and more NFL teams switching to wildcat schemes, Brackett’s running game could provide a great option for teams looking for an alternative to the West Coast offense.

Rangers fans behind enemy lines in NYC

By Jim Pagels
Oct 19 11:31 pm ET

In the 2001 war film “Behind Enemy Lines,” Owen Wilson plays a Navy navigator conducting a recon mission over Bosnia when his plane is shot down behind – you guessed it – enemy lines. While New York City is certainly no Balkan war zone, I certainly felt like Wilson Monday night at Yankee Stadium.

Rangers make first playoffs in eleven years

By Jim Pagels
Oct 5 07:46 pm ET

My (yes, “my”) Texas Rangers are underrated. They’re underrated not because the national media doesn’t acknowledge how many titles we’ve won or our consistent success through the years; the Rangers are underrated about how atrociously awful we’ve really been.

Internet offers live stream of Lions losing

By Jim Pagels
Sep 20 02:29 am ET

A mere $12.95 per month allows Columbia football fans to yell at their computers while streaming games.

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