Columbia needs more empathy

Recently, there have been a few articles in student forums about the importance of wellness on campus. Many of them are powerful pieces that remind us that we have shared feelings and experiences. Some of them read like a call to arms, encouraging students to take their own well-being seriously. Unfortunately, what is missing from this conversation is the way we affect others’ mental states. I believe we need to stop talking about wellness in individual terms—we must accept that our everyday actions (and inactions) have consequences for those around us.

In 2008, I thought of myself as the typical Columbia student. I skimmed the pages of the Blue Book for prospective students and imagined myself laughing with friends on Low Steps, being a student leader, excelling in school—all while looking perfectly put-together. I thought I embodied all of the qualities of the average Columbia College student: political engagement, ambition, and love of knowledge. Columbia seemed like the perfect place for me. Four years later, the picture is much less rosy. I have realized that our college is lacking in one key characteristic: empathy.

As the semesters went by, I tried to change to match my surroundings. I told myself that I needed to toughen up and make my future my number one priority. I felt more “normal,” but making my personal goals my singular focus felt like living in one dimension. From the depths of unhappiness, something in me snapped. I realized I did not want to buy into a culture of self-advancement at all costs. I stopped making excuses for other people, and as a result, I started recognizing lack of empathy everywhere.

I don’t mean to say that we do not contribute to the community (though we could be contributing more). Plenty of Columbia students are involved in service activities, which do significant good even if they are only résumé builders. What I mean by empathy is the way we treat each other in our web of interactions. Though we might each have a thousand Facebook friends, intimate friendships on campus can be uncommon. College friends represent our nightlife posses more than extensions of our families. There is almost an implicit expiration date on our friendships here, reminding us that they are meant to serve as transitory entertainment. Testaments to our youthful ambition, our friendships are based on utility or short-lived pleasure, not the true friendship that Aristotle describes in his Nicomachean Ethics. We don’t depend on our friends, and they do not depend on us. Each one of us inhabits our own little bubble—we are on the track to success and we don’t have time for distractions.

Outside our circle of friends, we often see those others as nuisances, points on a curve, or empty occupiers of space. They are that person who we roll our eyes at in class or whose 400th email we delete. They are nameless faces we must beat and/or impress. More often they are just people we don’t see because we don’t know. Our treatment of others is not surprising, if we do not treat our friends with true kindness, why would we be caring towards anyone else?

When I talked to my friends about feeling out of place at Columbia, they attributed the superficiality I sensed to aggravated stress levels on campus. When we demand so much from ourselves, other people—even important people—tend to get left behind. We can’t achieve all the things we want for ourselves without neglecting our relationships, they said. I understand where they are coming from, but I don’t think we can morally justify a lack of empathy. In the aftermath of tragedy last semester, student talks with administrators resulted in the Student Wellness Project, a group that speaks about the issue of undergraduate stress on campus. Though the group’s efforts to promote self love and well-being are certainly commendable, we should also examine the way we treat each other. Being a student at Columbia is stressful, but it would surely be less so if we felt individually appreciated and supported by those around us.

We are supposed to be loyal to our college. Let’s start by being loyal to each other.

The author is a Columbia College senior majoring in economics. She is the editor-in-chief of Nuestras Voces.